Excuse for Divorce - Violence Prevention
Often the excuse for divorce is that the marriage has become caustic and dangerous, and if divorce is made difficult there is a good chance the couple will kill each other. So much for theory. In truth, there is no such thing as a bad marriage--only bad attitudes and bad behavior, and divorce does not lead to a reduction in violence and murder.
No Fault Divorce - Deadly Slight of Hand
In 1970, no-fault divorce legislation went into effect allowing couples to divorce peacefully without having to prove fault. The hope was that this would remove much of the horrible courtroom fighting over who was at fault and perhaps this would even increase the chances t couples would reconcile.
But, with a quick swindle and a handful of lies, the courts edited the law and removed the requirement for mutual consent. Suddenly the unfaithful had a quick exit from marriage with benefits to boot. Divorce rates soared as did suicide rates amongst abandoned spouses and children. Teenage pregnancy rose and gangs increased as children searched for a replacement for the families they lost. Broken families suffered increased poverty. With increased unfaithfulness, bitter hatred and jealousy led many to kill out of anger while their children killed or were killed in drug and gang activity. The devil lied to us. We swallowed the lie, and sin reeked havoc as it has since the days of Adam and Eve.
The Divorce Stampede - Death to Marriage and a Windfall for Judges and Attorneys
As families were destroyed by the millions attorneys enjoyed a windfall of profit. Couples were stampeded like animals into the courtroom fearing that their spouses would file first and get the upper hand in the divorce. They knew it was better to get there first and file. After all, one can always file and change his or her mind later. But, once the process started, very few marriages would ever survive.
Usually, the unfaithful spouse would file for divorce first. Often, they had an affair partner on the side coaching them, pushing them, pressuring them to file while the faithful spouse pray and cried out to God for help to save the marriage reading books and seeking counseling for help.
Attorneys would be hired--attorneys paid by the hour not to represent their clients, but to run the clock. The offending attorney would often file for a “temporary” restraining order kicking the faithful spouse out of the house, seizing custody of the children, and allowing themselves to bring the affair partner into the home and into the marriage bed setting a horrible example for the children to see. If this is not atrocious enough, the attorneys often follow up with a demand for child support and spousal support--money that the unfaithful and their partners can spend on lavish vacations and romantic nights at the expense of the faithful.
Both attorneys usually instruct their clients to avoid all communication with their spouses to avoid saying anything that could be used against them. At this point, both attorneys could enjoy expensive lunches and dinners together at their client’s expense as long as they can bring back a report of some billable communications and give additional instruction as to what must be done next. Attorneys sternly instruct their clients to gather evidence against their spouses and document days and dates of their offenses. When clients balk with disgust not wanting to betray their spouses, they are quickly reminded if they don’t betray their spouse, their spouse will betray them and steam roller them in court.
A high percentage of faithful spouses consider murdering the other man or woman. Many carry out their fantasies while others wish they had the backbone to do so. Usually, the concern for the well-being of the children takes over and the faithful spouse knows that the worst part of a prison sentence is that they would not get to be with their children as they grow up.
With this in mind, the faithful and their children are at the mercy of the court. And, yet the court knows well that an unjust ruling regarding child custody means return business. If the children are given to the faithful and more loving spouse, chances are the unfaithful spouse will accept this as justice and not try to fight it. Besides, they have their new affair partner to keep them company. Furthermore, if cared about their children that much, they would never have wrecked the marriage in the first place.
Since this is the case, attorneys will realize more of a windfall if they endeavor to throw the children over to the unfaithful spouse. This way, the children can be held for ransom. Not only that, but if the faithful spouse is assessed charges for child support, attorney fees, and spousal support, there is even more profit for the attorneys and for the court system and more incentive for the faithful spouse to fight to get his or her children back. Over and over and over again. With this process, the entire hard earned and well deserved life savings of the family can be looted along with any future earnings.
That is the legacy of the divorce industry.
The Desire to Murder
These injustices can be used by Satan to tempt someone to kill or to fantasize killing someone--an affair partner, a spouse, a judge, an attorney, a legislator who created this law, etc. It drives people into extreme bitterness and hatred like nothing else can.
The temptation or the thought of killing itself is not sin. It doesn’t become sin until a choice is made. When a person starts to think about killing someone and how it might be accomplished without being caught, it becomes sin even if it never results in murder. If a murder does not take place, it will not be for lack of willingness to murder, but for fear of the consequences or for lack of opportunity. But, I am certain that the divorce industry has made murderers at heart out of millions of people.
Overcoming This Desire to Kill
The spirit of murder doesn’t usually just cooperate and go away when we discover it and tell it to go away. It has to be overcome. It won’t go away by pretending everything is OK. We cannot just forgive and forget so easily. Forgiveness requires a process that is very deep and thorough and requires understanding of what forgiveness is all about.
Forgiveness is not what happens when someone says, “No problem”. When that happens, usually the person offended merely bottles up the offense and bottles up all expressions of the pain that still lives within him or her. That is not forgiveness. In fact, it is usually a very passive and hidden form of unforgiveness, but friendship is pretty much dead regardless.
To forgive someone, you must take courage and face the offense straight on. You must recognize the seriousness of it, and the forgiveness has to be as serious as the offense.
To forgive, you must be honest about the responsibility for that offense. You cannot take too much responsibility or too little. Choice and responsibility must be in the same location. If one person makes all the choices while another takes all the responsibility, then the person taking responsibility becomes the “enabler”. Dishonest excuses must be shut down and destroyed courageously without backing down, but in a spirit of firmness, courage, gentleness, humility, kindness, and love. You have to decide not to back down in the face of false accusations of hatred, of judging, of being unkind, over sensitive, or any kind of false accusation the devil may throw your way through the person you wish to forgive.
To forgive, you need to see how much Christ went through to forgive you, and you need to see how important that person is to Christ. Your motive should not be to carry out your revenge against them but to drive them to salvation.
The Ultimate Murder
The ultimate murder is not the one that is done with the pistol or knife. The ultimate murder is that which neglects to help rescue someone from an eternity in hell. If there are people in your life that you would wish a quick and final trip to hell, chances are you are a murderer at heart and you are not headed for heaven according to Revelations 21:8.
Many who call themselves Christians never share their testimony of Christ with anyone. It is hardly any wonder that their own family members fall into sin or will never come out of sin because they’re ashamed of Christ themselves. Who wants a God others are ashamed of?
Will you allow one member of your family or one friend or one neighbor to go to hell unwarned and never prayed for? I am afraid that many times what we see as friendship is just a mutual desire to find pleasure in another person to satisfy our selfish desires. The joy we find in one another is the joy of finding pleasure and comfort. But, if we have to sacrifice that pleasure or comfort for the sake of hopefully winning their souls to Christ and saving them from hell, we’d rather enjoy their company and what they have to offer at their eternal cost. This is not true friendship. This the deepest betrayal. There is no deeper back stab than this, and most of us are guilty of it. That needs to change immediately. Not tomorrow, but today, this minute.
When we think of the evils of the divorce industry, sometimes we want to wish those destroyers of marriage a quick trip to hell. We hate them. We despise everything they stand for. But, what is important is not filling our lust for justice, but allowing God to work in us to expose the sin as widely as possible and drive people away from it and into the arms of the Lord for salvation in a life changing commitment that will turn them around and bring down this terrible curse of unfaithfulness that has reigned over our country mercilessly too long.
If we won’t do this, we’re lying if we call ourselves Christians. It’s that serious. Receiving Jesus as Lord and Savior is not a ritual and a verbal recitation of a quickie prayer for fire insurance. It requires faith, trust, commitment that drives obedience from the heart. Too long we have neglected duty and claimed we have done nothing sinful. We have lied. It’s time to repent before it’s too late. Every day can cost more souls. Why should your soul or mine be saved if we are not willing to let God use us to help save other’s souls? Why should our marriages be saved if we are unwilling to be used of God to help save others?
Why? Let’s make our commitments to God every minute of our lives.
Commandment 6: Thou shalt not murder. (Exodus 20:13)
Recommended Reading:
Getting Anger Under Control
The Anger Workbook- A 13-Step Interactive Plan to Help You... (Minirth-Meier Clinic Series)
Memory Aid: The numeral 6 looks like a pistol.
This is long, but it gives a background on how this commandment is related to marriage and how divorce becomes a tool in Satan’s hand to drive some to murder. That is not to excuse murder, but to show how to recognize this temptation and how to overcome it.
